I see this repeatedly in others (as was in my life when younger) - the attachment to relationships with a person that interrupts and shatters our moving forward on our Soul Path.
Why does this happen?
Many Empaths are born to challenging circumstances. In those early years - we absorb and incorporate closeness to what is around us. If it involves parents or guardians that are dysfunctional, judgmental, broken, in conflict or in victim mode, or split off in saying one thing and doing another - this is crucial to understand.
Why? Because that is the earliest, closest relationship we start out with. And in that, regardless of how it comes down or its darkness, it is familiar. Human conditioning causes us to seek the familiar - even if it's painful and harmful to who we are - there is a comfort in the familiar. See if you can wrap your head around that. . There are stunning, startling studies found in the book, Learning To Love by Harry Harlow – with monkeys. When they are born and given to a wire monkey (not a live monkey) – that becomes their mother. They will stay with and cling to that wire mother even if it makes them bleed and hurts. It becomes engrained as a pattern. . So as an adult the pattern of clinging to the familiar – in the partner we choose (even if it seems like they choose us) is one of familiarity and comfort, even if a damaging relationship. One may blame the other person, and that often is the case. However, that person merely fit the characteristic(s) needed to be the familiar – and whether or unconscious or not – you chose him or her. It doesn’t matter if they were charming, or that they said all the right things. What is underneath it all – is the profile of who they are is aligned with the profile of the first and foremost relationship you had when young and vulnerable as a child, even if it is in part. This can be a person who once they are secure in having you in their life – may be judgmental of you – criticizing you – rather than embracing what you have endured. It may be someone who competes with you – which has no relation to relating to you or caring. Or it may be a cold person who denies what you feel and know, and may be like a parent that punished you for feeling and/or knowing. . Understanding this and taking responsibility for your part in selecting a partner - even if unconsciously and repeating the same pattern with other love partners which is usually what occurs with most people to the point that they claim all relationships are doomed, or all men are bad, or all women are bad. But this is not the reality – it is what you brought to the table in terms of the only thing you knew. . Please do not blame yourself or feel ashamed. This is NOT YOUR FAULT. This is something of value to learn about. You didn’t create it – it was overlaid onto you.
Peeling back the onion, or layers of the blanket that covered over your clear vision, your clarity of what is occurring – is helpful to get to the heart of you. If you are able to take responsibility for looking at “what is my part in this” – i.e. my choosing this person – it is the first step in taking your power back, and can make a big difference. . Here’s the good news – much can be done to re-do the repeated love relationship, that started out one way but went in a direction you didn’t like and may have left you with the same unwanted feeling – and had similarities in the negative for you. . THE GOOD NEWS . Steps can be taken to redo this:
(1) First is recognizing the repeated pattern(s). See if you can journal about it – and capture some of the things that align with your childhood relationship with your father and or your mother, or guardian.
(2) Next is to consider Re- Patterning, Re-Programming. Sometimes Affirmations are helpful in this way to re-wire the psyche. This can be challenging to do on one’s own and can take a number of years if doing so alone (whereas with an experienced Life Coach that does Re-Patterning and Re-programming - could instead take months) – because the unconscious is hard grasp of one's self and to know if one is progressing with it. Once these are altered internally – first discovery and awareness – then releasing-healing – then exercises to replace what was with what you now need and want – including self-nurturing and self-love.
One this is done, one tends to pick different type of person to have a relationship with, i.e. someone who is capable f self-nurturing and self-love. Then you both bring to the table a good beginning for relationship that has the possibility for growth. , But until we rework things inside of our own self – the best person possible for a positive relationship could very easily be denied entry into one’s life – because they may not seem familiar – is an unknown in their self-love and self-nurturing – and one may not feel in the comfort zone with that different type of person – or they may bore you (i.e. may not be exciting without the destructive part one is used to), until that is reworked in self. . Finding an experienced Life Coach that knows how to be a spot unconscious behaviors and to work on Re-Patterning, Re-Programming - partnering with you in this type of thing -- able to read your progress and what is needed -- it could take months rather than several years to achieve what you want. This can apply to not just love relationships - but in all other relationships (family, friends, work as well). . In coaching school I learned: “How we do one thing is how we do everything.” I have found this to be true. . The holidays are a time many people question their present and past relationships. If you do, you are not alone. . We can re-learn what we choose. The possibilities are real. The power is your’s. . What are your thoughts? . Much Love ♡♡ Corri. ___________________________________________