I've copied an article below by Tamara Star from the Huffington Post, "7 Habits Of Chronically Unhappy People." When you read it ask yourself:
Have you experienced any of these 7 habits?
Have you remained in an unhappy frame of mind for any long length of time (i.e. more than 2 months) where one or more of these habits have consumed you?
Some or all of these habits when experienced for more than 2 months, and repeatedly, may alter one's outcome - in anything and everything: love life, friendships, family, work interrelating, difficulty getting your business to flourish, feeling dissatisfied with no exact reason or knowing what you can do about it. It can make divorce or loss of loved one or lifestyle that much more difficult, as difficult as it already may be. And most of all any lengthiness of chronic unhappiness, and the habits that go with it -- can create a deterioriation of your health.
These habits and continual unhappiness can tear down one's life and possibilities. It does not need to be that way. Most of my life I had no clue that happiness could be learned, that possibilities could be had by leaning to think and process my life in a different way. I thought I was just born with a negative view, one of complaint about everything, and that I was just not one of the lucky one's born with happy disposition or born into a prosperous family. None of this is what makes for a prosperous and joyous life. When I learned otherwise, my life changed radically.
At no fault of our own, we may have been overlaid with who we are supposed to be and taught ways of survival we absorbed and reaffirm what we're taught -- like,"life is just hard." There are times that might be true, but there can be joy right alongside it -- it can be learned. And that joy can pull you out of the "just hard" mentality and emotionality. One may not have learned about thriving and how to attain happiness, and may have given up on one's dreams.
Every day is an new opportunity to turn your life to what you want, to learn new things about yourself, and to activate capabilties within yourself which you may yet be unaware of. I call them the "gems" of who you truly are. There is no reason you cannot love the life you're in, unless you choose not to.
Why not take a leap of faith today, with a free Discovery Consult 1-on-1 confidential call with me - by phone or by Skype. What have you got to lose, and how much do you have to gain? No obligation. Can email me by clicking the email icon at the top right of this page.
7 Habits of Chronically Unhappy People, by Tamara Star, huffingtonpost.comt, 11/18/2014
I often teach about happiness and what has become exceedingly clear is this: There are seven qualities chronically unhappy people have mastered.
According to Psychology Today, University of California researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky states: "40 percent of our of our capacity for happiness is within our power to change."
If this is true and it is, there's hope for us all. There are billions of people on our planet and clearly some are truly happy. The rest of us bounce back and forth between happiness and unhappiness depending on the day.
Throughout the years, I've learned there are certain traits and habits chronically unhappy people seem to have mastered. But before diving in with you, let me preface this and say: we all have bad days, even weeks when we fall down in all seven areas.
The difference between a happy and unhappy life is how often and how long we stay there.
Here are the 7 qualities of chronically unhappy people.
1. Your default belief is that life is hard.
Happy people know life can be hard and tend to bounce through hard times with an attitude of curiosity versus victimhood. They take responsibility for how they got themselves into a mess, and focus on getting themselves out of it as soon as possible.
Perseverance towards problem-solving versus complaining over circumstances is a symptom of a happy person. Unhappy people see themselves as victims of life and stay stuck in the "look what happened to me" attitude versus finding a way through and out the other side.
2. You believe most people can't be trusted.
I won't argue that healthy discernment is important, but most happy people are trusting of their fellow man. They believe in the good in people, versus assuming everyone is out to get them. Generally open and friendly towards people they meet, happy people foster a sense of community around themselves and meet new people with an open heart.
Unhappy people are distrustful of most people they meet and assume that strangers can't be trusted. Unfortunately this behavior slowly starts to close the door on any connection outside of an inner-circle and thwarts all chances of meeting new friends.
3. You concentrate on what's wrong in this world versus what's right.
There's plenty wrong with this world, no arguments here, yet unhappy people turn a blind eye to what's actually right in this world and instead focus on what's wrong. You can spot them a mile away, they'll be the ones complaining and responding to any positive attributes of our world with "yeah but".
Happy people are aware of global issues, but balance their concern with also seeing what's right. I like to call this keeping both eyes open. Unhappy people tend to close one eye towards anything good in this world in fear they might be distracted from what's wrong. Happy people keep it in perspective. They know our world has problems and they also keep an eye on what's right.
4. You compare yourself to others and harbor jealousy.
Unhappy people believe someone else's good fortune steals from their own. They believe there's not enough goodness to go around and constantly compare yours against theirs. This leads to jealousy and resentment.
Happy people know that your good luck and circumstance are merely signs of what they too can aspire to achieve. Happy people believe they carry a unique blueprint that can't be duplicated or stolen from -- by anyone on the planet. They believe in unlimited possibilities and don't get bogged down by thinking one person's good fortune limits their possible outcome in life.
5. You strive to control your life.
There's a difference between control and striving to achieve our goals. Happy people take steps daily to achieve their goals, but realize in the end, there's very little control over what life throws their way.
Unhappy people tend to micromanage in effort to control all outcomes and fall apart in dramatic display when life throws a wrench in their plan. Happy people can be just as focused, yet still have the ability to go with the flow and not melt down when life delivers a curve-ball.
The key here is to be goal-oriented and focused, but allow room for letting sh*t happen without falling apart when the best laid plans go awry- because they will. Going with the flow is what happy people have as plan B.
6 You consider your future with worry and fear.
There's only so much rent space between your ears. Unhappy people fill their thoughts with what could go wrong versus what might go right.
Happy people take on a healthy dose of delusion and allow themselves to daydream about what they'd like to have life unfold for them. Unhappy people fill that head space with constant worry and fear.
Happy people experience fear and worry, but make an important distinction between feeling it and living it. When fear or worry crosses a happy person's mind, they'll ask themselves if there's an action they can be taken to prevent their fear or worry from happening (there's responsibility again) and they take it. If not, they realize they're spinning in fear and they lay it down.
7. You fill your conversations with gossip and complaints.
Unhappy people like to live in the past. What's happened to them and life's hardships are their conversation of choice. When they run out of things to say, they'll turn to other people's lives and gossip.
Happy people live in the now and dream about the future. You can feel their positive vibe from across the room. They're excited about something they're working on, grateful for what they have and dreaming about the possibilities of life.
Obviously none of us are perfect. We're all going to swim in negative waters once in a while, but what matters is how long we stay there and how quickly we work to get ourselves out. Practicing positive habits daily is what sets happy people apart from unhappy people, not doing everything perfectly.
Walk, fall down, get back up again, repeat. It's in the getting back up again where all the difference resides.
Article by Tamara Star, in Hihuffington Post:
7 Habits of Chronically Unhappy People